Difference between women and men jokes

Men forget, but never forgive;
women forgive, but never forget

- Women fake orgasms to have relationship   
Men fake relationships to have orgams
 

- Men always want to be a woman's first love women like to be a man's last romance

- Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. ...That's why girls wear make up and boys lie.

- Men look for sex and find love

 women look for love and find sex

- Women always worry about things that men forget;
Men always worry about things women remember.
- What women should know: a man who truly loves you will never let you go, not matter how hard the situation is.  

What men should know: a woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will stick around

- When a girl is in love,you can see it in her smile
When a guy is in love,you can see it in his eyes

- Let man fear woman when she hateth: for man in his innermost soul is merely evil; woman, however, is mean.

 - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

- A quiet man is a thinking man.   
 A quiet woman is usually mad

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.    
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all..


- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.    
Women somehow deteriorate during the night

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
   A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
 - A woman has the last word in any argument.
   Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

- Men socialize by insulting each other but they really don't mean it.  
 Women socialize by complimenting each other, they don't mean it either

NICKNAMES
-If Laura,Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.

 ·If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer
 to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
 -When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

 -When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 MONEY
 -A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
 -A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault. 
When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

DRESSING UP
 -A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 BATHROOMS
 ·A man has six items in his bathroom : toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

 ·The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these 

A quiet man is a thinking man.
A quiet woman is usually mad.

- Friendship between women:  
A woman didn't come home one night.
 The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriends house.

The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house.

 The woman called her husbands 10 best friends.

8 of them confirmed that he had slept over, and the other 2 claimed that he was still there!

THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMAN AND MEN

The Geography of a Woman
- Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

- Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

- Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

- Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

- Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain: with a glorious and all conquering past.

- Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

- Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

- After 70, she becomes Tibet : Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
 - Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran: ruled by a pair of nuts