Funny Alcohol jokes

Alcohol, what's that?
 It's not in my vodkabulary,
but let me check in whiskypedia.

 al.co.hol  /noun/ :
A bitter fluid used to help white people dance.

 I only drink Champagne on two occasions,
when I am in love and when I am not.

 Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across from the bar from us and said "That's us in ten year years."
 He said "That's a mirror dipshit."

12 Reasons why Beer is better than God:

1. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.

2. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.

3. Beer has never caused a major war.

4. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for 
themselves.

5. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.

6. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.

7. You don’t have to wait 2,000 years for a second beer.

8. There are laws saying that beer labels can’t lie to you.

9. You can prove you have a beer.

10. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

11. There is no pressure to convince all people on the planet to become beer connoisseurs.

12: A billion people won’t freak out if you insult the brewer.

"When Life Gives You Lemons,
 Grab Some Tequila and Salt!