Funny Diet Jokes and Tips to LOSE WEIGHT

- Calories:Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes
 a little bit tighter every night.

- I only eat in thre places:Here,There and Everywhere!

-A  BALANCED DIET IS A CAKE IN EACH HAND.    

- I decide to go on diet;in 2 weeks I lost 14 days.

...Eat less CRAP :
..C -carbonated drinks
..R -refined sugar
..A -artificial sweeteners & colors
..P -processed foods

...Eat more FOOD:
..F -fruits & veggies
..O -organic lean proteins
..O -omega 3 fatty acids
..
D-drink water

...Tips to LOSE WEIGHT

"Don't start a diet that has an expiration date
   .. Focus on a LIFESTYLE that will last forever"

    Focus on nutrient balance instead of calorie counting

Making sure an eating occasion has carbs, protein, and fat instead of just counting calories (like a 100-calorie pack) delivers better energy and fat loss results by giving the body what it needs, like quick-

and longer-digesting nutrients so you stay full longer

- Be a heavy drinker    Water is essential for keeping the body hydrated and we're actually  more  likely to retain "water weight" by not drinking enough of it rather than by  having too much.

- SCULPT THREE TIMES A WEEK 

 Doing 5 minutes each of push-ups, lunges, and squats (in 30-second intervals)  will help build and maintain muscle mass. 

The more muscle you have,  the higher your metabolism will be, so you'll torch more calories as you go  about your day.

- EAT A BIG, BALANCED BREAKFAST
  An a.m. meal made up mostly of carbs and protein with some fat keeps  blood-sugar levels steady and hunger pangs away so you're not susceptible to pigging  out come lunch, studies show.

 Opt for something satisfying for your stomach and taste buds — like egg whites and turkey bacon with whole-wheat toast

- Start with low-calorie vegetable soup

People who ate a low-calorie vegetable soup before a meal consumed 20% fewer  calories at the meal, according to research from Penn State Unniversity.  Have a low-calorie broth-based veggie soup before your largest meal of the day  to reduce calories and lose weight without feeling hungry.

- HAVE FRUIT TWICE A DAY
Fruit has no fat and is mostly water, so it'll fill you up while  leaving less room on your plate (and in your stomach) for high-cal fare.  Don't freak about fruit's carb count — we're talking the good kind of  carbohydrates that contain lots of healthy fiber.

- Take your time

Try slowing down by chewing each bite at least 10 times, putting your fork down   in between bites, and fostering a relaxing eating environment rather than eating on the run.

 If you rush your meal and eat rapidly, your body's satiety cues won't be tuned in to those   feelings of fullness yet and it's easier to overeat.

- Outsmart your hunger hormone
Our bodies secrete a hormone called ghrelin, which controls hunger and drives our appetite. 

  Science tells us that the best way to control ghrelin is to eat small,   balanced meals about every 3 hours or so

- VISUALIZE YOURSELF THIN
When you feel your willpower breaking, conjure up a mental picture of yourself when you looked and felt slim. 

The visual motivation keeps you focused on your goal weight and reminds you that it is attainable, since you've achieved it before

- Keep a food record
 A study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that those who kept regular food records lost twice as much weight as those who didn't. 

When keeping a food record, make sure to track what you ate, how much you  ate, anything you added to the food (condiments, oils, etc.), and what you drank.

-  Kick the salt habit
Salt is a big contributor to weight gain and often a reason why the numbers on  the scale aren't going down.

-Eat breakfast without fail
When people ate more fat, protein, and carbohydrates in the morning, they stayed satisfied and ate less over the course   of the day than those who ate their bigger meals later on.

 - Dine anytime  
You should eat 70% of your calories before dinnertime and 30% at dinner, whatever time that may be. 

Just give yourself at least 90 minutes to end your meal before you plan to go to sleep.  

You need at least 90 minutes to digest so you can sleep comfortably.

- Eat before a party or event
Have a light snack before you go to an event so you don’t arrive ravenous.     One study found that you'll be 2.5 times more likely to start off overeating starchy carbs, fried or cheesy foods than those who didn't fast before the meal. And, you'll be more likely to eat 47% more calories  of that first food before switching to healthier fare.

agente immob

There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that

 you will ever be. And then you accept it.

 Or you kill yourself. 

Or you stop looking in mirrors.